


best of wives and best of women

by ThisKwamiNeeds_aNap



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Breakup, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Episode: s03e10-11 The Day of Black Sun, F/M, Gen, Lack of Communication, Literal Sleeping Together, Self Confidence Issues, no happy ending, theyre so soft it hurts my heart, who breaks up with his girlfriend through text, zuko is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:47:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26188213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisKwamiNeeds_aNap/pseuds/ThisKwamiNeeds_aNap
Summary: Mai wasn’t an idiot. She was never under any delusions that she’d get a happy ending with Zuko.Something terrible was definitely about to happen, she could feel it, but so what?This wasn’t anything new.The Day of Black Sun, told from Mai's point of view
Relationships: Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 91





	best of wives and best of women

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from the song "best of wives and best of women" from Hamilton, which is an incredibly specific song that fits painfully well
> 
> This fic takes place right before Zuko leaves to join the Gaang

Mai didn’t feel scared. 

She couldn’t.

Maybe, she wasn’t able to feel any emotions, ever. 

Sure, she was uncomfortable, and it was way too hot, and her skin was too sticky. 

But that was all on the outside. On the inside, she was just numb. She wasn’t feeling anything, or thinking about anything. Her mind was perfectly blank.

She picked up a clam shrimp in her chopsticks, while the rest of her body stayed completely motionless. Chewing had been hard all night, but she was still doing it, so it wasn’t like her parents could complain. 

Had Zuko eaten? He’d been with her all day, and she hadn’t seen him eat. And it wasn’t like they were going to serve dinner at the _war meeting._

But he’d be fine. Worrying was stupid, and _emotions_ were stupid. It didn’t even matter anyway. She was totally focused on her soup.

One of the servants was already stepping in with a towel before she realized that she had dropped her bowl.

Mai set her chopsticks on their stand, and rose. 

“I’m done,” she said. She knew distantly that she was being rude, but her ears were ringing, and she couldn’t make herself care. She speed-walked away, and she was outside before either of her parents could say anything. She might be in trouble later, but her mother wouldn’t cause a scene out in the open. 

And then, because she was a complete idiot, she found herself in the palace.

She couldn’t remember waiting, although the sun had completely set before the meeting ended, and her feet were starting to go numb. She remembered staring at a wall, absently flicking a knife into her hands and then back into her sleeve, and then all of a sudden Zuko’s fingers were intertwined with hers.

She tugged him into a hallway, and rested her head on his shoulder. 

He was okay. There was no reason to panic

\----

There was every reason to panic. He was even broodier than before, and he was too tense, and-

She shouldn’t have let him go to the meeting. She should’ve done a better job of talking him out of it. She should’ve actually remembered the last time he went to a war meeting and the way she had lost him and-

It didn’t matter. 

She couldn’t undo the past.

Mai wasn’t an idiot. She knew that Ozai was going to send Zuko over the edge eventually. She was never under any delusions that she’d get a happy ending with Zuko. 

Something terrible was definitely about to happen, she could feel it, but so what? 

This wasn’t anything new.

“I need to leave eventually,” Zuko said, breaking her train of thoughts.

“Do you?”

“Yes. I have to sleep.”

“You don’t have to leave to do that...”

“What?”

“Stay,” she said, before she could think. Because the thought of him leaving made her blood feel like acid, and apparently she _was_ an actual idiot, and she was going to delay the inevitable, as if that would help at all.

“I think your mom would actually murder me if she caught me spending the night.”

“Then don’t get caught,” Mai said.

“That’s not really a solution.”

“If my mom murders you; I’ll murder her back.”

“Thanks?” Zuko said. 

“Here,” Mai shifted, pulling out a few knives and dropping them onto the couch. “I’ll even let you pick. If you get killed, which one do you want to be avenged with?”

“I think I’d rather not be murdered... at all?” Zuko said.

“That’s boring.” Mai said, tucking her knives back into her sleeves.

\----

She must have fallen asleep at some point, because she woke up, flooded with the sense that something was very wrong.

“It’s too cold,” she grumbled, or at least tried to grumble. Her voice was still crackly and half-asleep, so she ended up making a noise that was closer to an irritated grunt than words. 

“Shhh, you can go back to sleep,” Zuko said quietly.

“No I can’t... you fucking jerk,” Mai said. She made a half-hearted attempt to grab her boyfriend and pull him back, flailing her arm in the direction of his voice.

“It’s okay, just go back to- Ouch, Mai, that was my good eye. That was- How are your nails so sharp? I’m going to go completely blind and it’s going to be your fault.”

“Good for you.” Mai yawned, finally managing to grab onto Zuko’s hair.

“Mai, ow, MAI! Okay, fine, I’m laying back down if you’ll stop attacking me.” 

She felt Zuko’s weight next to her and made a sleepy contented noise, 

Mai wanted to be furious at Zuko for waking her up so early, but that would require actually feeling furious, which was way more emotion than she could handle this early in the morning. Or at any time. 

She drifted back to sleep, only to wake up to Zuko trying to leave again.

She tried to say something, like tell him to stop being an idiot and stay still and go to sleep until the sun actually came up, but all she managed was a low humming sound.

Zuko shifted some more, trying to detangle himself from Mai, and she let out an involuntary growl in response, which didn’t even phase him.

“Mai, I need to get up.”

Mai’s limbs felt too heavy to function, but she used all the strength she had to cling to Zuko. One of her hands was tightly intertwined with his, her other hand was wrapped in his messy hair. She dug her elbow into his ribs, trying to make him stop moving and sleep.

“Mai, I really need to- Aa!”

Mai let out a sharp sigh that might’ve been a laugh.

“Did you just bite me?” Zuko asked. Mai took advantage of his momentary shock by rolling on top of him. 

“It is sleeping time,” she said, interrupted by a yawn. “If you move again and the sun isn’t up, I’m going to…” she lost her train of thought, already slipping back asleep.

“You’re going to what?” Zuko asked, smirking. She punched him in the arm. “You already drooled on my face and bit my arm.”

“No talking... It is.. darkness. You cannot-” Mai yawned. “You are not allowed to talk until it’s… not darkness.”

Zuko summoned a bright flame in the palm of his hand, and Mai shoved him off the bed.

“That’s cheating.”

“Says the person who just bit me.”

“I didn’t even stab you. I don’t know why you’re complaining.”

Zuko laughed, but also sat up, so it was an overall loss.

“Zuko wait.”

“I have to go, Mai,” he said, his smile disappearing.

“Why?”

“There’s kind of an invasion today... And my father will notice if I’m not there.”

Oh, right. The eclipse.

”Ok but—” she huffed as she rolled over, trying to pull Zuko into a hug without cutting off the blood flow to her arms. Then she attempted to spit Zuko’s gross soggy hair out of her mouth. Who let him grow his bangs this long? Finally, she gave up on comfort and just flopped down. “Your dad kind of sucks.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” Zuko sighed.

“You should stab him.”

Zuko tensed, but finally made eye contact with her.

“Here, I have a shiny knife, the shiniest...” she yawned again, trying to pretend it was exhaustion and not just fake nonchalance.

“You shouldn’t make jokes like that,” Zuko said. His voice shook just a little bit.

“And you shouldn’t date the weird knife girl, but here we are.”

Zuko groaned, and nervously tugged at his hair. “Just promise me you won’t do anything reckless when I leave.”

Mai choked. “That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said. _You_. Are telling _me _not to act without thinking?”__

__“I think things out sometimes!”_ _

__“Name one time.”_ _

__Zuko bit his lip. “Um… there’s… I…”_ _

__“My point exactly.”_ _

__“Just promise me you’ll at least try to stay safe. I care about you.”_ _

__Mai sighed. “I’ll promise that when you do.”_ _

__“Fine.” Zuko took a breath that was way too shaky for her to trust. “I promise that I won’t do anything during the invasion without thinking it through first.”_ _

__“That was remarkably vague.”_ _

__“I promised, okay.”_ _

__“Fine, sure, I’ll promise too.”_ _

__Zuko nodded, still not meeting her eyes. He made his way to the door._ _

__“You know,” Mai said, sitting up, “this would mean a lot more if we had any history of keeping promises.”_ _

__“I know,” he said, so quietly she didn’t think she was meant to hear it. He didn’t make any move to leave, and several minutes passed._ _

__“Do you need something?”_ _

__Zuko still clung to the door handle, looking so sweaty, Mai was afraid he was about to pass out._ _

__“Yeah, would you, um…” Zuko was trying to hide his rapid breathing, but he was doing a bad job of hiding it. “Do you think…? Would…? If I…? Or if…?” His voice cracked and he leaned against the wall, trying to make his voice work. “Do you...?” He whispered. Mai couldn’t tell if she was still asleep or if he wasn’t making any sense._ _

__“Do I...?”_ _

__“Do you have, like, a pen, or something, that I could borrow?” he said, tripping over his words._ _

__“...Why?”_ _

__“Nothing, nevermind!” Zuko said quickly, and then he was opening the door and-_ _

__“I” she took a shuddering breath. “I care... about you...” Why was it so painful to say out loud? What was wrong with her?_ _

__Zuko looked like he wanted to run, and she knew that it wasn’t enough, and she had to do _something__ _

__Mai tried to keep her breathing steady and not gag, even though she was pretty sure that she was allergic to emotions._ _

__“I love you.” She finally said._ _

__Zuko looked just as nauseous as she felt. “Oh, um, cool. I have to- um-“_ _

__“Yeah, I know.” She didn’t care. He was going to leave at some point anyway. Worrying was dumb. She’d either see him after the invasion or she wouldn’t. It made no sense to suffer twice._ _

__“Mai...”_ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“I love you too,” Zuko whispered. He wouldn’t meet her eyes. And then he practically ran out the door._ _

__She didn’t see him cry._ _

__\----_ _

__It was only fair that he was long gone by the time she got his letter, and he didn’t see her cry either._ _

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for suffering :'D
> 
> if you enjoyed, please leave a comment!


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